Empowerment

i know it's late but hell I don't care. I just reread my blog declaring my freedom and damn it makes me smile. it doesn't make me cry. this is so good. I feel so empowered, that I have finally self-motivated. I'm doing what I want and just looking for fun and excitement. I'm not worrying. i like not being worried. Of course some of that comes with me being on vacation but I think seeing people at school will also make me realize how far I have suddenly come. I've let go and wow it brings back so much energy and such a feeling of free.

I'm free, free free. hehehehe.

And I'm writing. I'm really writing prolifically at the moment and I take that as a good sign. A very good sign. Only 2 days until the big-tim. revision, editing. rewrites. and beyond! wooo. Okay it's really not THAT exciting but hey I'm doing it, that's the exciting part. I'm self-motivating.

I'm also blogging, at a very bizare hour because my sleep schedule is non-existant hehehe. I could use some friends time, vacation brings a lot of that family "closeness" which really drives you insane after a while. My sister is having people over so I'm thinking if I can tip-toe my way around mother (it's pretty much impossible) I'll get out and see people. It's so nice to realize I have people I actually wouldn't mind seeing and WANT to see. I especially want to see my bestest friend everrrr but she too is a busy girl so we'll seeeee. seee. seee. seee.

Okay wow, I need to stop. lol. I'm going to read, forrest for the trees. It's pretty good so far...well let's say, the introduction was a killer! haha. I think it's going to be really very cool though and perfect to "slide", (more like jump) into editing shortly. It's written by an editor...to writers. Pretty darn cool if I do say so myself.


;-p

WoManuscript!!!

I actually get things done sometimes, astounding I know! I printed a hard-copy of Home, this year's NaNo novel and for once I'm going to edit the right way. I'm waiting till after the 1st of the year (as I told myself I must in order to stand a chance at being objective) and then it's purdy editing pens and a 130 page manuscript and me, non-stop. I plan to read through once, marking it up, but not making changes, just writing comments as if I "didn't write it". then I'll read again, and work the feedback into the piece. And then once that's done, I'll read it and resist the editor (besides touch ups hehehehe) before sending it for publishing. (my free offer from createspace). I say that sounds fair and it also sounds like a lot of work. it has though indeed got me in the writer's spirit. I totally overhauled my writing space, which I have been planning to do for quite some time. I also gathered up my chunks of hard copy Forever Fighting and tucked them away. Someday I'll edit that novel... and I'm working on my working title from forever and a day ago Here Comes Trouble. None of the novels are related so I'm living in multiple lives and it gets a little nutty, but hey what better way to spend vacation :-p

I'd like to eventually get a draft ready for Here Comes Trouble as well but after the first, it's editing Home and schoolwork :-p I have until June to get it in tip-top shape then I fly overseas for the first half of summer. Upon my return...who knows what head space I'll be in, but certainly at some point a writer's one so...it may get done...before next November when i embark on yet another. finishing things, pshhhht, for the birds. lol. I will get Home done, I swear, after all my grandmother is waiting to read it :-p and I got the manuscript spiral-bound and new editor's pens. eeeeek.

Aw well, the excitement will pass. The trials and tribulations of a girl in a writer's head space ;-)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

You never learned what it means to me...

It's time for me to admit a lot of things...things that have haunted me for far too long. I know the Internet seems not like the ideal place to do so and normally I'd advise people of that as well, but I have thought this through and it is. I need to make this information known, make myself vulnerable, make things real. I need to accept these things as reality. I need to do a lot of things and I NEED to try harder. for one, excuses, he doesn't deserve my excuses. He doesn't deserve me in any form, including my time or energy or tears. I mean it. I'm having trouble telling myself that but it IS the truth.

I've spent oh...almost three years trying to prove myself worthy when really now I realize, I always have been. I have always been more than worthy of him but sometimes people just don't realize a beautiful opportunity. People miss their opportunity, it happens all the time and I'm saying for real this time, his is gone. I will say I still want him to realize it so he can hurt as much as I'm still hurting. So he can feel so stupid and so worthless like he is, for not giving me the respect I deserve. I can accept unreturned love, even if it hurts, but it's unacceptable that I put up with the amount of disrespect from him that I did for so long because I was clinging to a friendship which I now ask myself...did it even really exist...should it have? I confided so much in him. I put so many hours of thought and energy into tip-toeing around what would hurt him, what would make him distance himself from me that I hurt myself all the more. and it's over.

the part probably most shameful in all this is that I never told him I loved him and I told someone else that. I regret that. I regret pushing aside (no matter how irrational, but real) feelings and telling someone that because I was doing something very similar that he has done to me to someone else and for that I am SO sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't realize it then, but if it counts for anything, I do now. Even if this person too has contributed to my lack of trust, my feelings of perpetual betrayal by the opposite sex, I should have known better.

I loved him. I don't now. My heart is still breaking but it will heal and not from his realizations, but from my growth and moving forward. I am worthy of respect and I am not looking for it from him any longer. It makes me cry, to give up on something that I tried so hard for so long to prove but the truth is, I'm growing up I'm realizing who I am and what I deserve. I don't think he's a bad person, I wouldn't have fallen in love with someone who is a bad person, he's just hasn't found himself. I can't blame him for that but he is still responsible for his actions and under no circumstance am I responsible for them. I protected and tried to help. I cried to him. I dealt with insults, belittling that I took as jokes because I know somewhere deep down on a twisted and far away level, it was from love, but it still hurt. If on some level he cared it doesn't matter because he failed for three years to communicate any form of respect, gratitude. Life is a game to him. He doesn't worry about losing someone who would never lie to him. He doesn't want to accept the truth and I am always ready to. I am. And that is, it is time to be done babysitting him and to some protecting myself from hurting and to FORCE myself to growth and learn, to STOP clinging to someone who is NOT worth my time. No more unlimited chances because unlimited chances just means unlimited stabs at my heart.


Dramatic, yea. But, as drama free as I wish I was, this melo-drama has existed in my life for almost three years. It's nice to put it in print. To be able to hit, post and really kiss it goodbye from my head, my body, my being. To let go. To grow. To take my own advice and to live free from him. Free from Nick. Free from the trap I have kept myself caged in for so long. I'm giving myself a chance at something, anything and it's pretty damn exciting. Oh hell yea.


[And no I'm not mean, I'm honest and doing what is best for me and anyone who cares for me should be able to respect that ;-)]

thank heavens for realizations [no matter how long in the making]
thank heavens for blogs...no how matter how neglected... NOT FORGOTTEN. ;-)

Ruhe an der Umwelt

Heute abend schreibe ich alles auf Deutsch. Warum? Warum nicht! Ich liebe deutsch so viel und denke ich wann schreibt man es mehr...man kann besser reden. Ich müss gut reden! Ich kann... manchmal denke ich...ich kann nicht aber wann rede ich mit Elena, mein Selbstbewustsein sind ein wenig positiver. Ich liebe Elena sie ist für immer in mein Herz und das ist auch warum ich kann für Deutschland nicht warten! Ja, ich möchte das Kultur sehen und eleine (mit keinen eltern oder Schwester) reisen, esw, aber meisten zu Elena sehen! Und ihr familie treffen! Ich denke ihr Muttie sieht sehr gut aus und ist auch nett. Ihr Vater, denke ich, ist lustig und spaß. Ich habe nicht so viel über ihrem Bruder gehört aber wann er wie Elena ist... das ist natürlich mehr dann okay!!! :) Hehehe. Heute bin ich so viel aufgeregt denn ich habe mit Elena reden. Ich fühle mich da wann das passiert hat. :-p Ich bin lustig für reden an und an über keine wichtige dings aber... das ist MEHR EGAL! :-p


Ich liebe Deutsch und kann für Deutschland nicht warten!!!!!
GAPP '09/'10 JAWOHL.
[179 Tage bis Deutschland!]

Only So Sweet

The longevity of the pride and triumph which follows completing a NanoWriMo novel can only last so long. It is near certain that in that one-month minimum hiatus from that boggling book, you'll sink into a slump. Oh wow, I need a life.
I'm feeling wicked not depressed...but lacking in desire, or determination or something. It's this weekend that it has been this way. Honestly, it has nothing to do with the lack of novel but I could stand to be writing a lot more, it'd help. It has to do with denial and anger phases of grief. I'm finally making a very necessary detachment from someone I've forcefully kept in my life way past his welcome. I've never been treated exceptionally well by this person even though I'm the first one to make excuses for him. I've spent way too long trying to convince the world and myself we're meant to be together. I'm tired of living in a Taylor swift song and so I'm angry and mean and upset and just acting stupid. They tell me...on the other side of this I'll meet that complete detachment, that freedom that triumph once again and boy do I hope so. He's only holding me back. No, correction, my sickening attachment, my love for someone who is undeserving of my love, is holding me back. So, I'm letting the stages fall as they will and in the meanwhile attempting life tasks ;-)

OH MY GOSHHHH. I have a new found passion...unfortunately, at the moment I ca only take part once a week in this activity but let me tell you I'm addicted... hula-hooping. It sounds so trivial but I'm in a CLASS for it. I can do tricks. It burns 110-130 calories every 10 minute session. It's fun, exciting and addicting. I'm getting a hula-hoop hopefully very shortly because it's something good for me and I'm addicted! If only I could get addicted to not eating in such copious amounts... ah. I'm just going to hula-hoop more then I don't have to eat less ;-)

Oh wow. As it has been hinted at...I need a life, but hey I aim to serve, with useless bits of information in a blog which is hardly kept up at all...

I bid you adieu! <3 ! :)

Novel-tastic!!!

I'm a winner that's right beyotchessssss. :) :) :)

I'm not as insane as I expected to be...considering yesterday i was nearly killed in a 7000+ word sprint at Border's... :-p I'm just relieved that I did it. I knew I could do it. The next big goal is...finishing the novel. 50,000 words does not mean the plot magically ends... the novel is not done but it will be. then we will go on not speaking to one another for MINIMUM a month. then i'm editing...like real deal big time serious editing along with others on the NaNoWriMo site...to honestly get this novel is a publishable form. Then it's to a free createspace deal :) Holding that book in my hands will be one of the happiest of my life... omg-d hooray for setting goals and meeting them !!!! (especially in the name of peace love and writing!!!)
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek :D

DunDun.- DunDun.

The golden tape, is soon to be broken. It's a sprint to the finish but for the first time... this run will not leave me in pain, but rather in utter joy at the accomplishment. I'll rest easy and dance around. NaNoWriMo... 6 days left... and by night's end I'll be 85%... dundun-dundun. 40,000/50,000 let's hit that final push!
hoorah! hoorah! hoorah!!!

A Walk Down...NaNo Ln.

What Time is it?!

It's NaNoWriMo time!!! Write, write, write. I've been writing like mad, clearly not on my blog. sorry folks, life just grabs you and there is little time for blog writing. The Germans came and we, together, conquered, NYC, go-kart racing, EATING, shopping, etc. It's tradgedy they're gone... :( but but but 7 months until Germany!!! Wooohooo. I'm writing because...it's NaNo montha nd that's really important! So, I'll post a cute little word count widget and NaNo badge and a link, etc. so I can help spread the word of this crazy 30 day literary abandon!!! *gasp*

Love bloglings, despite my absence....

=-*

Ein Moment.

How old are you? ... Oh when John put that funny mask on... Somethings you need increments of time for. Like the question how old are you...is traditionally answered in years. One could use months or minutes and if you want to be really tricky seconds... The thing is when it comes down to it that's not what matters. The moments are what matters. When recalling your life you don't say "oh yea", with a grin, "second 945,000". You say, "oh yea", with a grin recalling your first kiss. Life is measurable and memorable which is more important? I say memorable. Make your life memorable. That doesn't mean you have to visit Africa and see an elephant bathing it's baby in the watering hole...or go to China and hike the great wall, just take time to fully experience everything. For example. You count down the days until your German exchange student arrives but what you'll really remember are the stressful days and anticipation filled moments leading up until you meet. When you meet, that's something you'll look back on and tell your grandkids about. Not month 196 day 22.

6 days till Germans. I can NOT wait. :)

Speed. Velocity. Acceleration. Nichts Passiert.

Instantaneous speed does not equal average speed. Nor does one instant define a person. I've been trying to show people that in the past days. I'm so thankful for my best friend who get's that and for an amazing German exchange student whom I have a drama free relationship with. I don't back stab, but I also don't lie so if I hurt you trust me I've thought about it a lot. I don't want to hurt people, but especially in highschool pleasing everyone around you just isn't possible. I try to stand by everyone I can but people are constantly changing and you're constantly learning who you are. Sometimes things don't work out. And sometimes that's fine.

Other times there are people you never lose want to or not. Like your first real relationship. You want to let them go, you don't care but it changed you. Your old best friends... Someone you really think/thought you loved...but totally ignores this fact. Hmmm...I wonder whose life those examples are from...

I guess I've decided that everyone is quite messed up and it takes a lifetime to truly know someone.

Corruption. Destruction. Evolution.

"I'm all about self-expression and being yourself. Dance like no one is watching...sing till your lungs burst. Write your heart out. Dream bigger dreams. Peace. Love. Writing."

ehrlich. I learned this new word in German and it means honesty. It's an important word to know and even, more important that it is understood. Honesty could be considered overrated in society but I firmly believe success in life is rare when one is not honest with themself. It's always said acceptance is the first step to healing, it is. When you are honest with yourself from the get-go you prevent a lot of damage control. I'm doing damage control. It's become so perfunctory for me to lie to myself that I'm miserable. A little harsh much... no? It's time to face reality. I'm setting a double standard and I think part of that is because I took a too long blogging hiatus. When I blog I try to put fourth something that inspires...not nessecarily something inspiring to anyone but something that pushes towards a goal. Although my blogs tend to seem frivulous and get run-on ish... that's okay it's my inspiration. I need to stop trying to appease everyone and be sure they're happy. I need to be honest with myself and fix my own problems whether it upsets people or not. My life right now is corrupt... I've lost touch with my writing and myself. I don't exercise enough and my body is always tired...my emotions always conflicted. I need to be able to tell others that it's ME time, and not worry about how they feel about that. I have to honestly say Katarzyna...you're causing your own downfall. STOP. Slow down and fix this before it's too late.

We talked about evolution in Women's Studies and how it is definded. Does evolution always mean progress...does it mean one can't draw from the past...does going back to your roots, what you know, regression? I personally think grow isn't just an upwards and onwards thing, it can happen within something as well, like within yourself. What may apppear to be regression to one is a grand learning experiance for another. Sometimes your best bet is to backtrack to find what you're looking for.

What am I looking for? Being content could get boring too... I don't expect a lack of problems by no means a charmed life or to become an isolated hermit. I love my family, but I need space. I love writing and my friends, we need time together. Balance needs to be returned to my life and in order for that to happen I have to realize that sometimes I just need to come first. The people I love should understand that I can't be perfect. I'm not perfect. My life is full of corruption and destruction...but from this point on I am determined to evolve into a better version of myself.

"I'm all about self-expression and being yourself. Dance like no one is watching...sing till your lungs burst. Write your heart out. Dream bigger dreams. Peace. Love. Writing."

Time to take my own advice and live my MY motto not anyone elses.

Step 1: Not OCD

Scheduling, planning, organization are incredibly important to a fully functional life; spontaneity is the spice of life. A balance needs to be found between the extremes of micro-managing your life including what is never going to be in your control to never planning, goal setting or thinking ahead and getting into very tough but easily avoidable predicaments. I'm someone who freaks out at my inability to organize. I want to, I know I need it, but I'm lazy. I need to learn that if I muster up the ambition to plan that it will save me a lot in the long run. I am really working on that. School is quickly approaching, just over a week until day 1. This freaks me out a lot, but the key is benefiting from the freak out and letting frivolous freak-out go. For example breaking the worry down from "freaking out" to specific concerns. Like, time management and a fear of getting overstressed. Schedule my time for school best I can, otherwise there's no way to know how to handle the situation until it arises. Or, needing an IEP. I may need one, but I can't get it until school starts. And I MAY NOT need one, so there. I've also forced myself to implementing a healthy sleep schedule, it's hard but so so important to keeping other woeful matters away. Like pain.

Tonight is a last supper of sorts but I'm not upset at all. I mean, I know what I have planned out to help me succeed will definitely not go exactly as it is planned but plans are a guide not a prison sentence. The computer is to remain on the desk beginning tonight through the rest of the school year. (ha we know how that will work.) SELF DISCIPLINE! lol. Sleep schedule, GET INTO IT no if ands or buts. Know what my school time schedule will roughly look like, have everything prepared for the beginning of school. And benefit from worry don't let it drown me. Oh yea and there's still more than a week of summer, RELAX and HAVE FUN :)

And that my friends is a healthy plan ;-)

Redefining Harmony

Being vague doesn't get you far but I don't know how else to say it, everything works in some sort of harmony. Harmony has become known as a good thing. Harmonious "ooooahhh". I think there are bad harmonies too. Things that fit together well and belong together but don't necessarily heed wonderful things. Melody on the other hand is more independent and it can be whatever it wants so you don't run into conflicts of interest in its definition.

This evening is an evening full of pain and struggle but nevertheless I'm keeping in mind my writing and therefore to bring me up and hopefully someone else out there, I am presenting a chunk of one of my novels to you. Enjoy :)

"Some may say she’s high-strung but she’s just focused and driven, highly admirable life qualities. The bell finally rings and she gathers her things; head down she advances into the adulation of kids swallowing the hallway. Despite her inner confidence in her intelligence and admirable life qualities she only lifts her head to ensure she doesn’t hit anything or one as she makes her way to her next class. She’s not a girl who walks around nose in the air, thinking she’s better than others. She generally keeps to herself at school so the self-erected bonding between her and Yaton is greatly out of character for her. She began doing this in the second week of school and has kept it up for the three weeks school has been in session. She knows that social interaction is the only way she stands even an insignificant chance with him. They may only exchange a few words each class…or none at all, but it’s more her showing him that she’s not just a scared little girl but an intelligent young woman."

I take pride in perfecting each piece of my works to their full potential. A word to the wise:

plagiarism is for losersssss.

Just Beachy :)

I am human. I love manatees. Manatees were once mistaken by fisherman as mermaids. My friends once "made me into" a mermaid. I love swimming. My parents have called me a fish...or mermaid. I LOVE THE BEACH.

Today we went to the beach. OMGsh, the beach is like home. I get to a beach and I never want to leave. Even if I'm just sitting there something about the ocean is just amazing. The sheer force of the water is astounding but even without the moon's gravitational affects on the water it would be "mine". It's just the air by the seacoast...or the way the sun and clouds look there. It's not that it's pretty, or the weather, it's just the beach. I love the beach.

Magical

There's an illness sweeping the land,
that of hopes and dreams
of magic.
Not witches or warlocks
or magic wands...
but bullets, miracles and beyond.
Whether in love or lust or perhaps in life
magic comes into play when one is in strife
That seemingly impossible "thing", feeling that you're longing for
you know is out there, in your dreams it soars.
Tragedy strikes when one realizes
this is an illness as yucky as can be
for there are not magic bullets...
as far as I can see.

Wow, I rule at rhyming lol. I never understood the desire to rhyme poetry, I personally think non-rhyming is something of more skill because in order for it to be poetic you have to have some sort of talent, some sort of passion for what you are doing. anyone can make a "poem" by rhyming non-sensical words. Or perhaps a haiku... the syllables aren't what's important... Poetry is art, you have to have some connection to it, like music or sculpture or painting, something as to for lack of a better word "inspire". This doesn't mean you have to suddenly be taken over by an astounding idea but wow it's cool when that happens. It just means you have to be able to stand by your piece and take pride in it, or else no one will be able to see it's beauty.

I'd like to share some of my poetry with you, I'm not saying it's magical but I will tell you it comes from a magical place, that wanting to needing place of the heart. I write when I feel the writing, not just because. So sit back and enjoy this journey through my notebook.

"Reality Check"
No more cooties
kissing dumb boys
thinking nothing could ever hold you back.
new found control,
loss of innocence.
debating with parental units-- making valid points
living everyday with no end in sight---
then he stomps on your heart
loss of innocence
lots of things will stop you
maybe mom and dad DO know best.
hide under the covers
and
give that pathetic teenage mentality
a reality check.


Passion
strong, powerful
throbbing, conquering, heart stopping
emotion, writing, pain, anxiety
throbbing, conquering, heart stopping
strong, powerful
Fear



"Namasteh"
Body formed angles, imitating various natural elements
toned, taut, muscle, active but relaxed
power, confidence, determination: radiates
breaths providing for entire form
powering the flexible machine
no thoughts... but not darkness
light
yoga.


"Let 'it' Rain"
Beating: roots, windshields, Earth
Being directed: wind, temperature, mother nature
Surrounding: People, animals, structures
Singing: their song.
Raindrops.
Splashing,
dripping, drizzling
misting
pounding, thunderous, flooding, consuming
accompanying-
ruining and relaxing.
Raindrops.


"Sleep Mix Tada!"
Dreams. A world created by your unconscious.
How can unconscious create
something new...?
Familiar, yet foreign.
odd ideas and scenarios.
people and places long since forgotten
why conjured up this particular mix now?
perhaps to fulfill
something the conscious isn't willing to admit.
dreams are the portal,
of the unconscious gaining control.
make you think.
stalk you perhaps...
dreams.
no matter how haunting or foolish
they mean something.


A foolish little sing-song one...

Reach for the stars
become who you are
try and touch the sky
you may find, you can fly.
Feel the ground, beneath your feet
and anything you can beat.
Know where you are,
reach for a star
and you may find
who YOU are.


Highschool
insane, cruel
fighting, crying, lying
war, bitches, friends, dances
laughing, learning loving
fun, fabulous
Highschool

Now I've entered writing mode through entering some mediocre pieces for y'all to read so I'm off to novel and create.

Peace.

Love. ♥

Writing.


;-)

Shouldja Wouldja Couldja

I should right. I wish I could write, something worthwhile. What I have to say is much mroe fitting for my other blog, I don't want to make this one about struggle. This is about what I love. I want to work on my novel, but I don't, why do I do that? It's going to be published you just wait. I'm determined...well in some odd definition of the would.

Maybe, sometime this blog will go somewhere but until then... goodnight :)

¢¢¢ Noncentsical ¢¢¢

Non-cents-ical but change. Haha wow, I'm just that cool. What I mean is this post has nothing to do with money but it does with change and change is ya know...cents and then I was like WOA I can use cents symbols ¢¢¢ YAY! lol. I've delighted myself with change today. I tried a new (not so healthy) but delicious frozen food today. It's like a corn dog...but instead it's sausage wrapped in pancake. OMGSH heaven. I also happened to paint my finger and toenails for the first time in a long time. And biggest off I'll I'm now a red-head. Well...not like a ginger...like auburn, but trust me it's RED. Just not the ginger variety...like the rainbow variety...I mean not quite that intense but I have had a Rudolph comment already :) I love it though. That's all that counts.

I was going through a lot of frustration and being upset before I went to camp [dealing more specifically with the family] and camp seems to clear that up, it's weird. I can just enjoy the simple things like fingernail polish, sausage and hair dye. wooo. XD

Freunde--> Friends

My childhood was less than normal. My whole life has been less than normal, but then again who sets that standard? It's another one of those invisible but oh so visible and influential things. It's frustrating...but personally I'm proud to not equal the norm. I bring this up due to my friends history. Kids sum you up based on a first impression and what surrounds you. as you grow older the selection of quality friends becomes easier, or it's supposed to. When I was little had plenty of friends...and then I still did...but I've never felt safe with them. I mean I know they're not going to jump me...well they might but all in good fun. But trust. trust is a really hard thing. I've had people hurt me who I thought I could depend on and it's really messed me up. No one is to blame for how I am but me, but optimism and me aren't the best of friends. A guy screwed up my "romantic" life for good I do believe. Being used is awful...but finding someone you can really truly call on whenever is the best feeling in the world.

I always knew I'd probably not keep friends to adulthood that I made in elementary or middle school or even know. But the literal love of my life will always be with me no matter where our lives take us. We're not perfect, but I understand her I like to think and boy oh boy does she understand me. I still worry that I'm doing something that will ruin everything. Losing friends happens brutally and out of the blue with me. I hate it. but her I know I'll always have. I trust her and honestly I trust no-one. I feel like high school does that to people, ruins there trust. Perhaps college will expose me to more seasoned friends. But my love, is perfect and I never want to lose her. We're made for each other. I believe she was sent to me to make me realize that not everyone will screw me over. I can trust someone. Not everyone lies constantly and talks badly behind my back. It's okay to feel like someone is a true friend. She's taught me that and I sure hope I've taught her something and that she can depend on me. I have nothing but good things to say in front of and behind her back. I LOVE HER.

Tonight I went to her terribly upset and just needing someone and somehow she gives me perspective without any direct advice at all. She makes me feel loved. And that's what friends are for. :)

Something Fishy...Someone Unique

Hellooooo bloglings. t's been some days, but hey I'm a busy girl this summer. This summer is about experiences and boy I've had many. My therapist always reminded me to have fun and not be afraid of resting on the things I love. That's a writer's notebook page, don't forget the things I love. Each little heart bullet has something I love written beside it. A writer's notebook is really whatever you want it to be. I tend to doodle and draw a lot because it gets the creative juices flowing one way or another.

Flowing. Drifting. Boating. Nothing beats coasting down the river and catching fishies! Feast you're eyes on my two latest catch. [returned safe and sound to their river home].

Not forgetting who you are and not letting standards

and unwritten rules dictate your life path is

something I've been exploring a lot lately. I don't fit the teenage mold and quite frankly it's fine with me. I personally think the path I am taking could be the better one. High school doesn't have to be boys boys boys drama drama drama I think it's more about adjusting to change, savoring the last of childhood and figuring out who you truly are. I

wrote a piece on it. Good or bad, I'd like to share it.

The blog is called peace love writing. So I suppose

giving you a 'piece' of writing isn't a crime.

And here it tis:

Unwritten in Stone: Teen Love and Life

The teen years are "supposed" to be about being carefree and exploring all you can whilst you still have that home, those parents, that safety net. there are these unwritten sets of rules and bulleted lists of accomplishments one should seek to meet before the end of senior year. Date him, get ____, do ____, Why? There is no ancient scripture engraved in a cavern wall with these these "secrets to success". I don't feel the need to explore love or stupidity right now. I'm safe at home and it's my chance to figure myself out.Having fun is great, but finding you is helpful. If you're strong in who you are, the fun and daring doesn't end when you leave the nest...you're your own safety net. There is no over age 18 life experience must stop law. Real life, is just beginning. Who says if you haven't crossed off everything on "the ultimate high school experience list" you're doomed? I say erase the unwritten rules and figure who you are before worrying about everything and everyone else.

And there you have it. It's I guess an explanation. I don't feel like I have to date now. I don't have to experiment with drugs, or party till I drop. I don't have to be stupid. I've learned enough to know my boundaries and what's best for me. I'm beginning to shape me, for continued fun in the future...what's wrong with that? I'm happy. truly happy. And hopefully I brighten each and every fish's day when I release them back to their cool river homes, because hey...every now and again I do aim to please... just not usually ;-)

So Mad You Cry

I tend to get really angry and burst out in tears. I think it's a fairly common thing, but perhaps not. Tonight that would be a combination of wanting to get out and probably not getting to and my neighbors. My neighbors have the cops visit often. They are absolutely and completely STUPID. They can't park cars, show respect, think, or keep quiet. I just had a diff. neighbor move out and some of the bad neighbor cronies went over to the vacant for sale house and picked the flowers! And then lit up on their step. They have a hut, where they argue, smoke and drink and play terrible music. It's just FUN. Right now there is literally a MOUNTAIN of beside their house and it makes the whole area smell nasty. Oh and then there's the son over there who told me off about telling his kid not to throw rocks. He told me not to be an ass. He's an ass. and I know way more about kids then him. He's a dropout teen dad WITHOUT A JOB. Who sit on his ass all day long. It's great. GAH.

As for the getting out. I want to go from a drive with "old standby". He said sure, cuz we have so much to catch up on. He came to visit me the other day on his BIKE for that reason...and I was leaving. :\ I just need some time to vent and it'd be good for that. For both of us. But it doesn't look likely... meh. As for other events...not much. Just trying to stay calm after a neighbor run in and avoid dying from boredom :p

L8r bloglings.

The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly.

Teenagers gosh. I need to not overthink but my teenage hormones perhaps are getting the best of me. The sad part i, I can't brush it off as that. It feels like something more, which I HATE. There's hardware store boy...who is a really amazing person and I could stand a chance with. He's someone new and it's exciting to feel that way. Then there's old standby. I can't call him that. He's just him. I MISS him so much. We used to talk daily now it's close to never. This is kind of my fault...I scare him away with the fact that I can't get over how I feel. Finally I was over it, because he does really DUMB stuff. But... now the dreams are back. I don't want him in my dreams. He's just him. My friend who should stay that way but everytime a see one of his relationships crash and burn I can't help but think someday he'll realize what was right in front of him the entire time.

Nothing will happen with either because I'm good on my own enjoying summer to the absolute fullest. Sunshine, a license, exercise and THE BEACH. The love of my life and I went to the beach yesterday, it was amazing. We acted foolish and just fully enojoyed ourselves. We did model poses and gymnastic stunts, froze in the water and attempted to build sandcastles, critiqued the lifeguard, and just walked the gorgeous length of the beach.

Teenagehood is filled with new found conflict, as you flail around trying to figure out who YOU are. Teenagehood brings joys that you only have those short years to experiance. Teenagehood brings carefree to responsibility. It's just a mess, but all you can do is make the best of it. :p

Peace. Love. Writing. AND Music.

I'm very into my music lately. Violin just brings me great joy. I recorded some video of my violin endeavours and my favorite I care to share. Enjoy. The piece is Seven Scottish Airs, by Holst. I also am into anything music related...like dancing. I just feel like being engulfed in the beats and tones of music. I am potentially taking up salsa dancing. That's right, cuban, flirty, sexyyyyy SALSA. Not the food the dance ;-) There's a local dance studio which has a 4 week class starting next week. I'm really pumped. My best friend in the whole wide world may join me on this adventure and it will be just a BLAST. The studio also holds free balls once monthly. Which will be awesome to go to. Music music music. And writing... and love.... and peace. :)

Gone Fishin' @ the Hardware Store

Spontaneity is the spice of life. Really happy coincidences are well...happy. That feeling that fills you can't be matched. When you've just been dragged out to the hardware store with your dad and you come around the corner and meet a familiar face. Just a boy, that you've seen in each and every driver's ed class before and have rode home with his father and he multiple times, but this time as you stand there leaning against the lumber cart and he says hello, you choke on your words, your face goes red and you're sent into a whirlwind of thoughts about him never explored before. Like him? that's crazy. He's just that kid from driver's ed. He's nice and all but this wasn't planned. Newsflash life doesn't follow any plan.

I plan to go fishing today but who knows where I'll have been by day's end. I like not being afraid and letting life HAPPEN, it's fun and exciting and I wouldn't change it for the world, for better or for worse. Life is a gift, filled with surprises. Like re-inventing yourself or your impressions of someone else to create a beautiful melody. Or going with the flow like a flawless harmony. ♫♪♫

♫♪♥♣♠•Mish-Mash ♫♪♥♣♠•

I'm a very diverese person with little sense of organization and direction. Sure, I know what I want to do with my life. I have goals, but if something pops into my head that sparks an interest by gosh it usually comes out. Sometimes it just goes into the writers notebook, perhaps to spark further interest later, sometimes I end up talking. Quite often actually. I'm a very social person who also enjoys her space and alone time. Today I am presenting a mish-mash of me. It's kind of a scrapbook of sorts. I'm just going to throw out awesome everything. pieces of books I like, pieces of my pieces, quotes, words, pictures, stories, anything that seems to come along. It's my nature, being random and jumbled up. It's quite fun so, just go with the flow and enjoy what I present to you. :D

palpable: able to be touched.

(shag carpeting is palpable and you WANT to touch it)

"the heat and radiating emotion coming from the intertwined bodies, could move moutains."

"Because a true friend is a promise you keep forever" (Sarah Dessen)

daedal (rolls off the tounge nicely don't it?!) :

skillful; artistic; ingenious

enconium. demonic. intoxicating.

lofty. lucid. furrowed.

I begin every writer's notebook with at the very least two full pages of words. Words are writing. Vocabulary is key to producing the effect that you are trying to have on your readers. Writer's notebooks are also key. You have to have something with you at all times that you can scratch in as you observe the world around you.

"Sometimes, in order to save yourself, you've got to reach out to someone else." (Sarah Dessen)

SWOON.

Lust, envy, pride, wrath, sloth, gluttony, greed.

7 [Not so Deadly]

Notable Authors:

Jodi Picoult (favorite of all time)

Sarah Dessen

Libba Bray

Danielle Steele

"A dream is a wish your heart makes." Cinderella


No one will know what this means here unless of course one of my friends stumbles across it, but it deserves to be spoken whenever possible: Tim pukes in bushes!!!

On a Tim note: "I love the smell of Napalm in the morning." (Mulan)

YEA KISS.

Other amazing music:

♫♪♫♪ Tesla, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Three Days Grace, Evanescence, Quiet Riot, Metallica, Taylor Swift ♫♪♫♪

"Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." Lilo and Stitch

Must Reads:

Someone Like You- Sarah Dessen

everything written By Jodi Picoult

Seven Deadly Sins Series- Robin Wasserman

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants- Ann Brashares

The Nature of Jade- Deb Caletti

The Gift- Danielle Steele

All American Girl- Meg Cabot

CRIME SCENE Inside the World of the Real CSIs- Connie Fletcher

Kissed by an Angel- Elizabeth Chandler

best movie on the planet FORREST GUMP.

"Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates never know what you're gunna get."

I emote.

>=- grumpy

XD estatic/naughty

o.0 stink eye/HUH?

:-* kisses

-.- annoyed

8-D cool!

:( sad

:) happy

:D really happy!

:c really sad.

We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you? - Alice in Wonderland

He may be mad, but there's method in his madness. There nearly always is method in madness. It's what drives men mad, being methodical. -G. K. Chesterton

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Welcome Aboard.

I guess going to the beach put me in a nautical mood? It is very early in the morn... I haven't slept yet, because I was suddenly filled with drive. Woo! Fair warning to all, most days you won't get much from the ramblings posted to this blog but on occasion I hope to surprise you.

I'm a writer so hopefully now and again the way i string words together will make you think or "ohhh and ahhhh" or perhaps be engulfed in sudden emotion. Feel free to yell at me or compliment outloud, it's a writer thing...talking to your computer. You tend to talk to your writing too. My pieces are kind of like my children as weird as that sounds. Sometimes I look at them just to look at them and appreciate their existence which is even sketchier. I have a life. I go outdoors and do things without thinking about writing. It's a passion, not a lifestyle. Okay it's a lifestyle too it really is but not in a like totally consumes you sense...well that will probably come someday... by the way, I'm Katarzyna. Well that's my alias anyhow. I'm a teenager with many interesting life experiences and a dedication to writing. I'm blogging for something to do and of course because I'm simply attached to putting words on a page. I like to read to so if you have a blog notable of my eyes let me know. (it don't take much to be notable, so please do share)

I may post some writing, some pictures and various assortments of stuff that I feel should be posted. I'll speak German and make no sense. I'll present exciting and intriguing quotes and sometimes put down a word of the day for the heck of it. Music, music might be coming, there is nothing like it. (I'm a violinist btw who just found the orchestral/violin score of the four seasons for sale w. technique disks and such. it's incredibly exciting) Blogging isn't new to me so I can predict where this will go...I bet you can already see the majority consists of random bits. Once again I think it's a writer's thing, being random...going on tangents and not knowing where you began. Then there are more serious times where I'll just vent to the open Internet because I like to hear my fingers on the keys and see the text on the pretty blog background and I know that I don't have to worry about the blog not wanting to listen or my hand cramping or losing it. It set there for me to reflect upon and do with as I please and perhaps it will...help some one? ha ha ha. The predicaments I encounter are like no other...but maybe just maybe something here sometime will be of use.

If not oh well. it's for my writing and I, not for you; you'll get over it. Welcome aboard this fun ship come aboard if you like or abandon ship before you're in so deep there's no turning back. ;-)

Her name be: Peace. Love. Writing.

♥♥♥