accepted!

I got into college... again. I got accepted to my fourth school and this time it's a bit more exciting. It's one of my top two schools... not THE top but the other and heck that's still very very exciting. I wish I hadn't had a migraine this morning because having not taken an "emergency" migraine med to knock it out of me I'd feel less zombie-like and more able to be really excited. It's a really good school and this is where it starts to get scary as far as finances are concerned. I'm scared to fall in love and be convinced I'm going somewhere and then it be honestly not feasible. I'm hoping I can find some scholarships and that financial aid offers are decent so I can go but, if not I have other good schools that are more in the range that have really good programs, so college here I came. I'm really hoping my health can get squared away and I can dive into this new journey full force. Still waiting on one very important letter in my mind but if it's not a big envelope I'll be okay I have options. So woo-hoo! HERE WE GO!

CameNo

Someone said, "Guess who was there and wearing cameo?"
And I said, "You just ruined my day."

Ignorance my friends is bliss. I love fiction and creating stories and putting people who have hurt me in very unfortunate places. I was finally becoming content that the kid who stomped on my heart many a times had his own heart and soul, frozen, solid under lots and lots of snow and ice somewhere in North Dakota with missiles and dumb air force stuff but no he's back in town. I'd say I'm not going to let him bring me down but I'm a novelist not a liar. Some say all novelist are is good liars and that my friends is A LIE. I am one of the most terrible liars you will ever meet, my parents know my life because I tell them it even when sometimes perhaps it'd be best if I didn't. I just get uncomfortable keeping things that really aren't necessary to be kept. I'm not a bad "secret keeper", bad friend but when it comes to myself I suck at keeping things under wraps. And so I will tell you I continue to let this stupid kid I never dated piss me off and tear me up every time he comes to mind or worse, TO TOWN.

Seeing him would suck. Just hearing that someone saw him, SUCKS. It's impossible to explain the extent of that relationship but I'll tell you this: I don't want his love or apologies I just want recognition that he was and continues to be completely unfair and downright a jerk. Immaturity being the main factor is what is most pathetic and man it is prevalent. The thing is, ranting like this, makes it seem changable, seem like I'm fighting for something. truth. These are facts. This situation is done but he's here and it makes me cry and I hate myself so much for that. I am so so pathetic for letting that happen because he is no good and I know it.

Ladies Night

Wow do I need to get out more. I'm so pumped to have spent a weekend busy and doing things with friends. I was in a hot tub with the girls till 1am and I'm damn proud of it. We never got to go ice fishing unfortunately but we have plans to go ASAP when the conditions are better. It's nice to get away and do crazy fun stuff and forget about dumb drama and exams and the future, just live it up in the now. I highly recommend Zumba for Nintendo Wii. Not sure of the game's exact name but it's amazing. It's a workout too and a little awkward at times but fun with girlfrannns. MAN I'm tired and still have my hardest exam to take after all the winter weather kept us out of class almost all week last week and evidently tonight there is a weather service warning about how cold it is? Yea so... brrr, glad I'm in my snuggy bed. Should edit or read but way to exhausted so the blog will suffice as something. Whateverrrr.

Sleep tight.

Dress Me Up; Tear Me Down

Went prom dress shopping today despite not having school due to snow... yea it's January and we're looking at prom dresses, big deal. It is a big deal because it might actually take me from now until June to find a dress that meets my likings and budget -_- The fat is the issue. I know it's annoying to hear about other's body issues but honestly going shopping for an event dress like that can bring you down when nothing zips! URGH. And stretch marks are evil, I've never had a stupid baby I shouldn't have stretchmarks! then I'm standing on the pedestal, dream dress and she puts a tiara on my head. She leaves the room a moment, I spot the price-tag. $389. Are you serious? I'm graduating and trying to go to an expensive college I'm not buying a four-hundred dollar dress. Oy! It's sad the craziness girls have programmed into them to be so "important", to feel so pretty and special, boys mothers get them a tux maybe a week in advance which if they're lucky has a vest and or tie matching their date's dress. They don't' worry. I, I'm worried. Not really about the dress but my body worries me more. Not fitting in big numbered sizes just cements my issues. These should be the happiest days of my life and it sucks when stupid FAT messes that up. I'm trying hard to not let it, to eat healthy as much as possible and get exercise but honestly unless I go crazy I don't see me losing weight and it honestly just sucks. So there.

Dressing me up just kinda tears me down. boo.

But heck no school or calc exam so that was a plus!

fwt @ S&S?

Still anxiously awaiting a letter from Bennington yet still steaming ahead in planning my future there. Every time I think about next year I'm at Bennington. I think about college and that's what I see. I had an epiphany about my Bennington journey too and I wish I'd had it before my interview! I want to do a field work term (fwt) at Simon & Schuster !!! I really think I'd love to be in a big publishing/literary agency doing editing, I'm pumped and I wanna dive right in and Bennington will let me. So comeon' Bennington! Let's go! Ready set life.

I should probably make it through exams first; I absolutely will. I also got into a poetry class for next semester which makes me happy because otherwise I was going to be "Englishless". I have a really pleasing schedule... other than econ, but it's a grad requirement much to my dismay.

As I talk about all these things it is real to me but then again it is still really weird to think about me graduating: cap and gown, not sitting in the orchestra playing pomp and circumstance. Going to prom seems weird too, despite going shopping for dresses so soon with my bestie. "Time, is an allusion." As they say on NCIS.

(-=

ist-ish

I'm feeling novelist-ish and artist-ish as of late, it's fun (-= I can't wait to get into some mroe advanced metals techniques and also do some more watercolor... I've been waiting on big watercolor paper I ordered for weeks now and need to hunt it down... I'm adding a few amaetur pictures of watercolors to the mix. remembering to charge my camera battery would help with the photo quality of my artwork because lately all the pics are coming from my phone. Oooops.

Had a fabulous day discussing my future with a close friend on her last day of semester break. I like living in the present and for the tomorrows and not wallowing in the yesterdays and wanting the todays to pass by. However I haven't grown anymore patient with college acceptences, I want to hear from Bennington RIGHT NOW. Everytime I think college I see myself there so when I'm not accepted, my image will need some major readjustments. I'm not a failure if I don't go there but I just want to know. Patience is not a skill it is learned supposedly but sometimes that is doubtful. Art though that's definitely all not skill because anyone can do it, no matter what people say about talent art in all its forms is for the creator and their "inner being" and man is it happy. (-=

Fences

Boundaries. It is unfortunate that not everyone is able to understand the invisible but very important social boundaries that exist especially when it comes to the Internet, I think that's something that is really important especially when it comes to blogging. I talk about a lot on here but I try to do it in a way that makes people understand I don't view myself in anyway as a special or all knowing being and also there is no need for people to know who I am for this blog to be successful. The Internet is a crazy place and I think people forget how unsafe and big it is. I also think the "virtual reality" which hangs out there allows people to have this false 'confidence" where they say things that they wouldn't normally, they lose sight of those invisible fences, those social boundaries and people get hurt and exploited. I think that people forget that the world is your witness out here so everything joke or not, in passing or not matters. I wish that people would be more mindful of the invisible fences because although they don't have barbed wire what is beyond them, what happens when people start mouthing off and getting to crazy out here that they get cut by razor sharp thorns.

*sigh*

Pendants

I'm super excited about my recent jewelry pieces, especially the music note. It took a lot of patience but I loved that I was able to master it! I am currently making another bezel setting piece with a bigger pebble stone and setting a sandollar and starfish underneath it, then there is also a heart cut-out in the base of the bezel-cup. It's very exciting (-: I'm very glad I chose to take metals II. These are skills I can continue to utilize after high school that I actually get something from it that I'll make use of! It could also save me some money in the long run, on jewelry, haha. I love these pieces :-)

Toothpicks. T.O.M.D.

TOMD- Toothpicks of Mass Destruction. I wouldn't try to win a war using toothpicks as your only weapon but damn I also wouldn't want to walk across a battlefield of toothpicks. I got one implaed into my foot yesterday and I still can't walk after it being ripped out by the doctor. I'm supposed to be "soaking it" and watching for infection. Oh joy! The most random unfortunate things seem to happen to me, honestly. I was just getting ready for school and bam I have a piece of wood sticking out of my foot, how often does that just happen?! Oy. So basically today is going to be a slow one. Nevertheless yesterday turned out fairly productive.

I got to hear how my part of the Bach Double Violin Concerto meshes with the other soloist's part and it already sounds WAY COOL. Of course it helps that it is my favorite piece everrrr. she says I rush and I'm sure she's right so today I should probably practice with the metronome :-p bleck. However they seemed to line up decently and we didn't lose our spots hardly at all, so with hardwork it will sound gorgeous, of course then we have to work on dynamics and balancing with the rest of the orchestra but I'm super excited about it.

Beyond that I got to novel a ton which was a long road coming. I totally re-wrote the prologue to Home which was desperately needed. Given, it is still not quite how I want it, but it fits much better and makes a lot more sense, chapters one and two however still need the most work and I am working on sifting through them now. I was supposed to meet with my one and only first outside editor today but due to my foot killing from the toothpick incident I decided to hold off. I figure this way I'll be able to come up with some more guidlines for her as to what I'm looking for and what not. I really think that after this read-through and both of us editing the heck out of it and me taking the time to actually do the re-writes that need to happen and take care with it, the draft that comes out will be SPARKLETASTIC. I think honestly I could start looking for a publisher with the next draft and that's thrilling, it makes me motivated to not cut corners with it, to actually think about what needs to be furhter developed and re-worked and do that as opposed to just noting it and moving on.

Novels, violins and toothpicks, oh my.
God, no more toothpicks, but hopefully lots of the prior.


Loveeeee. ♥♥♥

Acoustic, Electric and Everywhere In-between

I might be getting an electric violin! I'm so excited!!! Have no fear I would never be able to neglect my acoustic, the traditional violin holds a very special place in my heart.

♥♥♥

CoNfEtTi

Got accepted to a good school today (-=
They offered me a renewable $16,000 scholarship too so I'm feeling perdy darn special. It's still not my top choice yet, but, I'm hopeful. It's comforting to know I have options, a good place to go and it could be reasonable cost-wise as well. All I want to do is be an author but getting there is going to be a journey, part of that means immersing myself in the creative writing community of a school where I can flourish in other areas as well. So, I'm pumped, but also a sleepy novelist. I got my Robert Frost anthology I'd been waiting for as well. All the excitement as just tired me right out. So I leave only a short blog tonight.


MUAH! =-*

Five Star Endorsement For a Mere "Beta Fish"

I've always been a Windows user and I don't see myself becoming a Mac user although in college it seems as though everyone is carrying a Macbook these days; however some people still think of us Windows uses and for that I am thankful and giving my complete backing and am incredibly excited. What do I speak of?! Literature and latte and their amazing Scrivener software, it is the writing software of writing softwares it is the ultimate noveling tool and they are bringing it to windows. I've barely scrapped the surface of its tools and I'm dumbfounded at how awesome it is. I haven't even inputted a manuscript into Scrivener and I am in loveeeeee. It makes one feel so "writeresque". I mean duh, I'm writeresque on my own but this tool it is empowering. Mac users, BUY it. Windows users download that little "beta fish" and sit there waiting for the say you too can purchase it because damn it's great. (-=

In other news I'm really hopeful to be getting many "ducks" on the board soon having sent in a priority application to a school which is really interested and talked to my top choice via phone interview. I think they like me and that's beyond thrilling so I'm watching the mail extra close at this point. Hampshire also has a Feb. 1st notification deadline so I should be hearing back from them. Considering I applied to all my other schools the same time I'd expect to hear at least a little early so, EEEEEEKKKKKK. I mean, rejections, that's okay but it's promising to hear that admissions reps find me interesting and well rounded. Things seem to be toning down in terms of crazy college stress until the financial aid flurries hit shortly and I'm very content in having lightened my load at school, I'm feeling better...despite twisting my ankle and falling on my face in the middle of my hallway yesterday... ha. Skills. ah well.

Things are happening and it's exciting. Exciting is generally a good feeling. (-=