Ein Moment.

How old are you? ... Oh when John put that funny mask on... Somethings you need increments of time for. Like the question how old are you...is traditionally answered in years. One could use months or minutes and if you want to be really tricky seconds... The thing is when it comes down to it that's not what matters. The moments are what matters. When recalling your life you don't say "oh yea", with a grin, "second 945,000". You say, "oh yea", with a grin recalling your first kiss. Life is measurable and memorable which is more important? I say memorable. Make your life memorable. That doesn't mean you have to visit Africa and see an elephant bathing it's baby in the watering hole...or go to China and hike the great wall, just take time to fully experience everything. For example. You count down the days until your German exchange student arrives but what you'll really remember are the stressful days and anticipation filled moments leading up until you meet. When you meet, that's something you'll look back on and tell your grandkids about. Not month 196 day 22.

6 days till Germans. I can NOT wait. :)

Speed. Velocity. Acceleration. Nichts Passiert.

Instantaneous speed does not equal average speed. Nor does one instant define a person. I've been trying to show people that in the past days. I'm so thankful for my best friend who get's that and for an amazing German exchange student whom I have a drama free relationship with. I don't back stab, but I also don't lie so if I hurt you trust me I've thought about it a lot. I don't want to hurt people, but especially in highschool pleasing everyone around you just isn't possible. I try to stand by everyone I can but people are constantly changing and you're constantly learning who you are. Sometimes things don't work out. And sometimes that's fine.

Other times there are people you never lose want to or not. Like your first real relationship. You want to let them go, you don't care but it changed you. Your old best friends... Someone you really think/thought you loved...but totally ignores this fact. Hmmm...I wonder whose life those examples are from...

I guess I've decided that everyone is quite messed up and it takes a lifetime to truly know someone.

Corruption. Destruction. Evolution.

"I'm all about self-expression and being yourself. Dance like no one is watching...sing till your lungs burst. Write your heart out. Dream bigger dreams. Peace. Love. Writing."

ehrlich. I learned this new word in German and it means honesty. It's an important word to know and even, more important that it is understood. Honesty could be considered overrated in society but I firmly believe success in life is rare when one is not honest with themself. It's always said acceptance is the first step to healing, it is. When you are honest with yourself from the get-go you prevent a lot of damage control. I'm doing damage control. It's become so perfunctory for me to lie to myself that I'm miserable. A little harsh much... no? It's time to face reality. I'm setting a double standard and I think part of that is because I took a too long blogging hiatus. When I blog I try to put fourth something that inspires...not nessecarily something inspiring to anyone but something that pushes towards a goal. Although my blogs tend to seem frivulous and get run-on ish... that's okay it's my inspiration. I need to stop trying to appease everyone and be sure they're happy. I need to be honest with myself and fix my own problems whether it upsets people or not. My life right now is corrupt... I've lost touch with my writing and myself. I don't exercise enough and my body is always tired...my emotions always conflicted. I need to be able to tell others that it's ME time, and not worry about how they feel about that. I have to honestly say Katarzyna...you're causing your own downfall. STOP. Slow down and fix this before it's too late.

We talked about evolution in Women's Studies and how it is definded. Does evolution always mean progress...does it mean one can't draw from the past...does going back to your roots, what you know, regression? I personally think grow isn't just an upwards and onwards thing, it can happen within something as well, like within yourself. What may apppear to be regression to one is a grand learning experiance for another. Sometimes your best bet is to backtrack to find what you're looking for.

What am I looking for? Being content could get boring too... I don't expect a lack of problems by no means a charmed life or to become an isolated hermit. I love my family, but I need space. I love writing and my friends, we need time together. Balance needs to be returned to my life and in order for that to happen I have to realize that sometimes I just need to come first. The people I love should understand that I can't be perfect. I'm not perfect. My life is full of corruption and destruction...but from this point on I am determined to evolve into a better version of myself.

"I'm all about self-expression and being yourself. Dance like no one is watching...sing till your lungs burst. Write your heart out. Dream bigger dreams. Peace. Love. Writing."

Time to take my own advice and live my MY motto not anyone elses.