Step 1: Not OCD

Scheduling, planning, organization are incredibly important to a fully functional life; spontaneity is the spice of life. A balance needs to be found between the extremes of micro-managing your life including what is never going to be in your control to never planning, goal setting or thinking ahead and getting into very tough but easily avoidable predicaments. I'm someone who freaks out at my inability to organize. I want to, I know I need it, but I'm lazy. I need to learn that if I muster up the ambition to plan that it will save me a lot in the long run. I am really working on that. School is quickly approaching, just over a week until day 1. This freaks me out a lot, but the key is benefiting from the freak out and letting frivolous freak-out go. For example breaking the worry down from "freaking out" to specific concerns. Like, time management and a fear of getting overstressed. Schedule my time for school best I can, otherwise there's no way to know how to handle the situation until it arises. Or, needing an IEP. I may need one, but I can't get it until school starts. And I MAY NOT need one, so there. I've also forced myself to implementing a healthy sleep schedule, it's hard but so so important to keeping other woeful matters away. Like pain.

Tonight is a last supper of sorts but I'm not upset at all. I mean, I know what I have planned out to help me succeed will definitely not go exactly as it is planned but plans are a guide not a prison sentence. The computer is to remain on the desk beginning tonight through the rest of the school year. (ha we know how that will work.) SELF DISCIPLINE! lol. Sleep schedule, GET INTO IT no if ands or buts. Know what my school time schedule will roughly look like, have everything prepared for the beginning of school. And benefit from worry don't let it drown me. Oh yea and there's still more than a week of summer, RELAX and HAVE FUN :)

And that my friends is a healthy plan ;-)

Redefining Harmony

Being vague doesn't get you far but I don't know how else to say it, everything works in some sort of harmony. Harmony has become known as a good thing. Harmonious "ooooahhh". I think there are bad harmonies too. Things that fit together well and belong together but don't necessarily heed wonderful things. Melody on the other hand is more independent and it can be whatever it wants so you don't run into conflicts of interest in its definition.

This evening is an evening full of pain and struggle but nevertheless I'm keeping in mind my writing and therefore to bring me up and hopefully someone else out there, I am presenting a chunk of one of my novels to you. Enjoy :)

"Some may say she’s high-strung but she’s just focused and driven, highly admirable life qualities. The bell finally rings and she gathers her things; head down she advances into the adulation of kids swallowing the hallway. Despite her inner confidence in her intelligence and admirable life qualities she only lifts her head to ensure she doesn’t hit anything or one as she makes her way to her next class. She’s not a girl who walks around nose in the air, thinking she’s better than others. She generally keeps to herself at school so the self-erected bonding between her and Yaton is greatly out of character for her. She began doing this in the second week of school and has kept it up for the three weeks school has been in session. She knows that social interaction is the only way she stands even an insignificant chance with him. They may only exchange a few words each class…or none at all, but it’s more her showing him that she’s not just a scared little girl but an intelligent young woman."

I take pride in perfecting each piece of my works to their full potential. A word to the wise:

plagiarism is for losersssss.

Just Beachy :)

I am human. I love manatees. Manatees were once mistaken by fisherman as mermaids. My friends once "made me into" a mermaid. I love swimming. My parents have called me a fish...or mermaid. I LOVE THE BEACH.

Today we went to the beach. OMGsh, the beach is like home. I get to a beach and I never want to leave. Even if I'm just sitting there something about the ocean is just amazing. The sheer force of the water is astounding but even without the moon's gravitational affects on the water it would be "mine". It's just the air by the seacoast...or the way the sun and clouds look there. It's not that it's pretty, or the weather, it's just the beach. I love the beach.

Magical

There's an illness sweeping the land,
that of hopes and dreams
of magic.
Not witches or warlocks
or magic wands...
but bullets, miracles and beyond.
Whether in love or lust or perhaps in life
magic comes into play when one is in strife
That seemingly impossible "thing", feeling that you're longing for
you know is out there, in your dreams it soars.
Tragedy strikes when one realizes
this is an illness as yucky as can be
for there are not magic bullets...
as far as I can see.

Wow, I rule at rhyming lol. I never understood the desire to rhyme poetry, I personally think non-rhyming is something of more skill because in order for it to be poetic you have to have some sort of talent, some sort of passion for what you are doing. anyone can make a "poem" by rhyming non-sensical words. Or perhaps a haiku... the syllables aren't what's important... Poetry is art, you have to have some connection to it, like music or sculpture or painting, something as to for lack of a better word "inspire". This doesn't mean you have to suddenly be taken over by an astounding idea but wow it's cool when that happens. It just means you have to be able to stand by your piece and take pride in it, or else no one will be able to see it's beauty.

I'd like to share some of my poetry with you, I'm not saying it's magical but I will tell you it comes from a magical place, that wanting to needing place of the heart. I write when I feel the writing, not just because. So sit back and enjoy this journey through my notebook.

"Reality Check"
No more cooties
kissing dumb boys
thinking nothing could ever hold you back.
new found control,
loss of innocence.
debating with parental units-- making valid points
living everyday with no end in sight---
then he stomps on your heart
loss of innocence
lots of things will stop you
maybe mom and dad DO know best.
hide under the covers
and
give that pathetic teenage mentality
a reality check.


Passion
strong, powerful
throbbing, conquering, heart stopping
emotion, writing, pain, anxiety
throbbing, conquering, heart stopping
strong, powerful
Fear



"Namasteh"
Body formed angles, imitating various natural elements
toned, taut, muscle, active but relaxed
power, confidence, determination: radiates
breaths providing for entire form
powering the flexible machine
no thoughts... but not darkness
light
yoga.


"Let 'it' Rain"
Beating: roots, windshields, Earth
Being directed: wind, temperature, mother nature
Surrounding: People, animals, structures
Singing: their song.
Raindrops.
Splashing,
dripping, drizzling
misting
pounding, thunderous, flooding, consuming
accompanying-
ruining and relaxing.
Raindrops.


"Sleep Mix Tada!"
Dreams. A world created by your unconscious.
How can unconscious create
something new...?
Familiar, yet foreign.
odd ideas and scenarios.
people and places long since forgotten
why conjured up this particular mix now?
perhaps to fulfill
something the conscious isn't willing to admit.
dreams are the portal,
of the unconscious gaining control.
make you think.
stalk you perhaps...
dreams.
no matter how haunting or foolish
they mean something.


A foolish little sing-song one...

Reach for the stars
become who you are
try and touch the sky
you may find, you can fly.
Feel the ground, beneath your feet
and anything you can beat.
Know where you are,
reach for a star
and you may find
who YOU are.


Highschool
insane, cruel
fighting, crying, lying
war, bitches, friends, dances
laughing, learning loving
fun, fabulous
Highschool

Now I've entered writing mode through entering some mediocre pieces for y'all to read so I'm off to novel and create.

Peace.

Love. ♥

Writing.


;-)

Shouldja Wouldja Couldja

I should right. I wish I could write, something worthwhile. What I have to say is much mroe fitting for my other blog, I don't want to make this one about struggle. This is about what I love. I want to work on my novel, but I don't, why do I do that? It's going to be published you just wait. I'm determined...well in some odd definition of the would.

Maybe, sometime this blog will go somewhere but until then... goodnight :)